It’s always nice when folks are helpful but sometimes, they go overboard. For example, while checking out at CVS recently, I noticed a box of Plan B sitting by the register, so I asked the cashier, “Out of curiosity, what does Plan B cost?”
“Fifty dollars,” she replied.
“Wow, that’s expensive,” I said.
“Well, get ‘Take Action,’ honey,” said the woman behind me. “It’s only forty.”
“There’s also, ‘Your Choice,” the cashier added. “It’s the cheapest of all of them and the ingredients are exactly the same.”
Neither seemed to realize that my question was hypothetical, and clearly neither had given me a good look.
“Don’t worry, I’m not pregnant!” I said, “But thank you for the advice!”
Later, a very, old woman walked past me and stopped to chat. She was so wrinkled, it looked like she needed a good ironing. As we parted, she confided, “You know, dear, at our age we have to be very careful not to fall!” ‘Our age’? Yikes! In hindsight, good advice, of course.
Today, at Whole Foods, I stopped to grab a quart of hot soup. If they have several varieties I like, I add them in layers, like Neapolitan ice cream. Since they had three of my faves, I opened the tops of the three and began to ladle them in alternately. Suddenly, an employee rushed up and slammed one of the pots shut.
“Wait!” I said, “I’m using that.” Ignoring me, he then rushed to shut the other one.
“Hold on, I’m using that!” I protested.
“The health department says I have to keep these closed at all times.”
“Even when they’re being used?” I asked incredulously.
“Those are the rules!” he scoffed and hurried off.
Had he paused even for a moment, he’d have realized I was using all three. But like so many of us, he was functioning on automatic pilot.
As I paid with my palm, it struck me how nice it would be if we could read each other as easily as a scanner reads us. But we don’t. Perhaps that’s why we need therapists to help us negotiate communication. When I’m working with a client I often ask, “Do you want to just talk, or would you like some advice?” Because if we don’t stop to ask, or pause to listen, we’re stumbling around like blind, newborn puppies and that’s not helpful to anyone.