They say the #1 fear most people have is public speaking, but I’m not sure that’s true. I think the deeper fear is of standing out in a crowd whether vocally or visually. Many let their fear of embarrassment overshadow their chance for joy. Drawing no attention to yourself elicits neither positive nor negative feedback. It can also lead to a lack of social connection and loneliness. A happy life demands some action.
If you dig in your heels and stick to your comfort zone, how will you shine? You can’t catch a bus without going to the stop. If you’re not there, it’ll go on without you. Now I’m not suggesting you show off like the peacock spider above but start by taking little chances. The more you take, the braver you get and the happier you’ll become. At my age, there’s not much I haven’t tried, and my antennae are still always up.
Last week, I passed four, 20-something guys playing pickleball. One of them yelled, “Hey, Mama! Come join us!” I turned around, assuming some hot babe must be right behind me, but they meant me. ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ The best happened. For over an hour, we played, laughed, howled like wolves and even beat our chests when our opponents hit a good shot. When’s the last time you had that much joy with complete strangers??
Confucius said, “We have two lives, and the second one begins when we realize we only have one.” Perhaps that’s because the one we live conceals the one we’re afraid to live. In “The top 5 Regrets of the Dying,” author Bronnie Ware says that one of the regrets people have is “not expressing their true feelings.” That won’t be me. If you matter to me, I’ve already told you that I love you.
My positive experiences in life have so outweighed the negative ones that it astounds even me. What helps me continue to take chances is that I know most people are more interested in themselves than they are in me. This frees me from self-consciousness. If everyone doesn’t like me that’s okay, too. If they did, I’d probably be doing something wrong.
The peacock spider risks his life so that his species will survive. We could all take a lesson from his bravery. So, if you want to feel heard, speak up. If you want to be seen, wear stripes with plaids. At least when you’re gone, folks will know you were here.
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